Definity Pore Redefining Scrub

Redefine your faceI often find myself distractedly reading the little blurbs on the back of a cereal box or shampoo bottle and thinking “my goodness, this is somebody’s job!”

Copywriters. College educated. Very often clever. Copywriters.

I’ve had a number of ad-persons tell me I should look into this line of work, so in this recurring category I will endeavor to improve upon the work of professional copywriters when I see the need.

Olay Definity Pore Redefining Scrub

Original Copy:

SHOULD I CHOOSE DEFINITY PORE REDEFINING SCRUB?

Olay Definity Pore Redefining Scrub is ideal for skin with visible pores, oiliness, dullness, or unevenness. Its deep lathering formula thoroughly cleanses away dirt…(etc.)

EDW Lynch Improved Copy:

SHOULD I CHOOSE DEFINITY PORE REDEFINING SCRUB?

Only if you want to change the very definition of pore.

And then there’s:

SHOULD I CHOOSE DEFINITY PORE REDEFINING SCRUB?

Perhaps, but only if you’re really serious about redefining your face. If you’re the sort of person that dabbles in this and that and never finishes a thing, this scrub is not for you. But for the committed face-improver, a future of vigorously scrubbed pores awaits you. Enter if you heart is certain.

Or how about:

SHOULD I CHOOSE DEFINITY PORE REDEFINING SCRUB?

Fuck yes.

Advertisements

About EDW Lynch

EDW Lynch is one of the Bay Area's top 5 Humanitarians under 30.
This entry was posted in Copy Improvement. Bookmark the permalink.