Hipster Wine Bar Mission Statement

Heart Wine Bar
San Francisco’s Mission District is slowly being overwhelmed by the luscious trappings of gentrification. Of all the painstakingly curated boutiques, artisan ice creameries, and other hipster retail outlets, the wine bar is by far the most pointless: a bar in which wine is poured from bottles into glasses. The latest wine bar to join Valencia street is Heart, which proudly displays the placard above. It reads:

Welcome here.
Heart is a wine bar, restaurant and art gallery where chaos meets pleasure. We’re all about enjoying great wine, not bowing down to it. That’s why we serve our wine in mason jars and help you meet new friends at communal tables.

Take your notions of a typical wine bar and throw them out the window.

Their mission statement is pretty bold, but I will now embolden it.

Greetings and welcome to Heart. We’re a wine bar, restaurant, and art gallery. We’re also a revolution. The days of wine lording over the working wine connoisseur are over! Lay down your balloon glasses. Pick up a mason jar! Wine will flow in the streets like blood.


Listen up, wine. This is not your dentist’s wine bar. This is fucking Heart. Our beverage activists will smash your bottle open with a brick, sieve the glass out, and pour you into whatever. Wine, you’re so fucked.


1 Comment

  1. I’m thinking that the first option is the most practical but the second may be more fun. I like the idea of people being scared of (and internally scarred by) their drinking establishments.

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